Copyright Page

© Duct Tape & Rouge, 2006. Year One, Issue One. All Rights Reserved. Printed in the United States of America, with a combination of Microsoft Word formatting - not because it’s good, but because it’s free - regular photocopy machines and, depending on availability and cheapness, either staples or some fancier glue-fastening material. The final ingredient is a healthy mixture of sweat, blood, tears, and most importantly, vaginal and seminal fluids. The fluids were more accidental than anything, since we are both quadriplegic after a horrible tractor accident. Sometimes when we complete a satisfactory task and we feel good about ourselves – analogous to the feeling one feels when raping kittens – we unwittingly soil our diapers. Hey I’m sure Chris Reeves did, as well as Stephen Hawking and everyone ululates with joy over their crippled asses, so cut us some slack.

To go back to what we were initially saying, about our rights being fucking reserved, well it should go without saying that you shouldn’t steal any of the material enclosed without paying us in beer, vodka, tennis lessons, actual money (laundering optional) or homemade coupons for finger-banging or fist-fucking.

The Editors, placed in the following order not because of lazy alphabetizing, but by who has the more protruding genitals, are: RICK PAULAS & TARA RUBANO. And yes, we had to brake out the ruler for the order. It was closer than you’d think. Was it due to Ms. Rubano having extraordinarily floppy labia or Mr. Paulas having an extremely miniscule penis? We’ve included the following picture as a hint:

The Editors during non-cripple times. Tara on the left, Rick on the right.

One more thing: Send us your articles. Originally, our goal was to provide hilariously filthy content, with a focus on abortion humor. However when we got the articles, we noticed they turned out a little less humorous than intended but were still pretty damn good, so we went ahead anyway. What does this mean for you? We’d publish something that (a) isn’t humorous and (b) doesn’t mention abortions, just as long as it’s good. But we do have a soft spot in our hearts for articles containing the above elements. Also, if you feel like sending us something, leave out any photos and footnotes. Just send us words. The editors will put those in for you. That’s right! All photos - which were found on Google™ images, so if any of them were yours, cry to Google™ cause we don’t give a shit - and footnotes contained inside have been placed by the editors, without care or respect for the feelings of the poor, tortured authors. Boo-fucking-hoo. If your piece gets in the issue, you can expect compensation in the form of a free copy of the magazine and a beer, dependant on if we ever see you. You will not, however, get any monetary compensation. Sorry.

Where do you send it? Why not give ducttapeandrouge@gmail.com a try? We promise to get back to you as soon as we can. Oh, and if you’re not into writing articles, but need relationship advice, send us a question. Maybe we’ll do something with it, other than laughing at your pain.

And now, without further adieu …