Marvin The Masturbating Math Monkey

By Harry Karp

QUESTION: On April Fools’ Day 2005, Sally Michelle Gwert had $1,741.62 in her cash kitty. She earned this money sucking cock on a dock off Fisherman’s Wharf. At the Pleasure Pond on Yucca Street, Sally spent $16.82 on a stubby pink butt-plug. (When constipated, she likes to ream herself out.)

At Clean Coochie on Melrose, Sally spent $150.88 for a douche/enema + bikini/Brazilian wax, and bought $192.71 worth of beef jerky, beer, bubble gum, and Pall Mall cigarettes at 7-Eleven.

Her boyfriend Rocco Rabinowitz came by to toss her one last load of throat yogurt late that night. Without asking, he “borrowed” some coins out of the kitty. Rocco needed the money for weed.

The next morning, Sally Michele Gwert counts her remaining coins and discovers she has $1,286.65.

How much did Rocco steal?

(Scroll down for answer)

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ANSWER: $94.56, I think.